Since five months I’m a part of huge emigrant’s circle. Nothing to be proud of. Nothing to be angry at. I came from ugly, sad and dirty city of Lodz (Poland) to beautiful, active and clean Amsterdam. Exciting. Lately something strange happend. I realized, some part of my heart felt empty. Some part of my stomach felt empty too. Some part of my brain felt lonely.
When the first time I’ve visited ‘Poolse Winkel’ (Polish shop) in Amsterdam, I could’t help myself not to buy all these Polish products – so typical for my country, unable to get here (tasty Polish sausage, pierogis)…
Living in The Netherlands, doesn’t mean that you have to speak Dutch. And I don’t. English is totaly enough. Unfortunately, it means that walking around the city feels like being a tourist, “the Other”, stranger. My mind is working like a radar. It always tries to find some well know sounds among unknown language stream. How strange it is, when suddenly it gets Polish language! It’s like putting your feet into a shoe made especially for you. How these other Polish poeple got here? What’s their story?
Finaly, yesterday evening my fiance and I did a boring “you tube research”. You know – a kind of when you’re not sure what to do with the last hours of your day. We found a very amateurish film about Lodz, called “Two faces of Lodz”. We pressed “Play” and the set of the ugliest Lodz’s photos began. So dirty, so forgotten by God, poor, poor city… And we started laugh hard. All the worst shots we saw there, poor drank people on the streets, fulfilled trams… I know these things so well, that it felt like (oh, my God) home.
Damn, you can realy feel, you are “a child of the world” but still, you came from somewhere and that place (beautiful or not) is a part of you.
(You can also find many my photos of Lodz on my blog)